Why I do a Yearly Cleanse

I am on day 4 of a 5 day cleanse. It's a liquid fast. For five days instead of eating you drink a blend of apple juice and toxin absorber - a powder made from psyllium seed husk, bentonite clay and apple pectin (with a "delicious" ginger flavor) every 3 hours, 5 times a day. You also drink lots of water and in the evening you can supplement with miso infused vegetable broth. The first day you have the soup you're grateful to have anything that doesn't taste like apple juice. By the fourth day you could care less, the flavor feels kind of pointless. And I love food. I mean I really love food.

And every year I make sure to put this on our calendar. And apparently every year on day one I ask my boyfriend why we put ourselves through this torture. But we do. And it's not as if you walk around hungry all the time. You really don't. You're just a little bored and annoyed that you can't have anything to eat. It's amazing how food-centric our lives are. Oh, and did I mention you can't drink coffee or black tea or anything other than the apple juice and water?

So, why do I put myself through this? For a few reasons: 1) Even though I know it's just water weight, I lose a couple of pounds every time I do this fast and I like the temporary boost it gives my metabolism after a long, sluggish winter. 2) I am not a very disciplined person when it comes to denying myself of food. Sure, I can tell myself I won't eat candy but if there's any in the house the way I ensure I won't eat any tomorrow is to actually eat it all today. So it's nice to follow-through on something so personally sacrificial. 3) I always learn something new about myself when I do this thing. And I always cleanse something more than my bowels.

I think every time you push yourself, even just a little you give yourself a chance to learn and grow. And I believe that if you don't keep up with your "studies" - the longer you leave things undiscovered - the harder the lesson will be to learn. And by then you more than likely don't get to choose the delivery. So, getting the opportunity to start to let go of something that no longer serves me, especially in a gentle, self-induced way is very welcome. Because when you hold on to something, it's never just that something you're holding onto. One of my teachers says this about negative emotions, "When you allow negative emotions in, it's not just one thing living with you, soon all of its cousins move in." I take this to mean two things, 1) If you hold on to anger, for example, you not only hold on to anger about a certain thing but you actually tend to hold on to all anger, and 2) If you start with anger ,feelings like jealousy, hostility, impatience and fear are probably not far behind. Just like you can't do a liquid fast and decide to selectively eat a few things here and there, you can't selectively hold on to negative emotions. They poison the waters and clog your life and limit your flow.

And sure, yes, perhaps what is exiting my body is actually intestinal plaque, it's disgusting whatever it is and I do feel more "hollow" after doing this for five days. I swear my digestion feels like it's had a tune-up (as long as I don't just stuff myself with a burger soon after). But I think, for me, it's more important to do the cleanse than the cleanse itself.