Creating Space

So, my boyfriend and I are going to be moving in together at the end of the month. We've been talking about it for a year and have been together for four. I'm glad we waited (something new for me) as now the decision feels very organic - not that big of a deal, really. Well, that's what I say today, I reserve the right to change my mind. It's been a while since I've lived with someone and perhaps the experience will be mind-bogglingly new, only time will tell. At least for now, the living together part feels like the right flow.

But that's the living together part. The moving side of the equation is a totally different story. I hate to move. Hate the process of packing everything up and then unpacking everything at the other end. It's never been a favorite. When I find a place to live, I tend to stay there for a while. I like to nest. And what adds to the stress of this move is that we're consolidating two households which means we have to throw a lot out. A LOT out. My boyfriend has been moving a passel of boxes with him from place to place since well before I met him and I tend to have my clutter a little more cleverly disguised (in the form of a full storage space in the basement and random shopping bags of mementos on the back porch or the hall closet). But it's still there. All of it. My transcripts from college; random store credit cards that have long been cancelled; old wallets still holding receipts and about a dollar in change; broken dishes, pieces of fabric and cigar boxes I was going to use for crafts that never materialized; serving dishes I somehow feel I can't live without; a drawer full of kitchen gadgets - do I need that many wooden spoons? - that spill over into a second drawer...and it makes me tired looking at it all. The heaviness surrounding this stuff, this kipple as my boyfriend refers to it (from reading a lot of Philip K. Dick) has a lot of weight to it. And to think that not five years ago, all I needed I carried around with me in my car.

So as I sift through the things, resisting throwing anything out I remind myself that the more I hold onto these things, the less space I'm creating in my life. And I'm not just talking physical space but the whole feng shui of it all. To let new ideas, emotions, experiences enter your life, you have to create the space for them and a lot of times that means stripping yourself of the old. And it may seem counterintuitive at times - "But I want to write, shouldn't I keep everything I've written?" Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe the stuff that you've kept is anchoring you to the past and the best thing you can do is get rid of it, so you have the space to create something new, something more.

The saying holds so much truth: "The things you own end up owning you." I'm not saying that you shouldn't have things, just be mindful of the things you have. Is what's surrounding you supporting your life? Is it giving back to you? Is it helping you create the feelings you want to have about yourself and your path? If not, get rid of it! Get rid of it and watch what happens with the space you've created. You don't have to forget where you've come from, but holding on to the past will only keep you there. Personally, I want to allow myself to change.

So, today I'll get rid of most of the wooden spoons and I'll donate the craft stuff to a children's organization and I'll take some of the rest to Goodwill. And I'll enjoy the feeling of lightness I've created for myself, the new opportunities I've possibly given someone else and remember that I'm in the midst of starting this lovely new path with my boyfriend. And I'll try, just for a moment, not to hate moving so much.